bernie_williams

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:25:21 GMT

Whoa that was really fun for me .. I'd like to thank Melky's tooth for the opportunity in left field yesterday = ]. Bernie's alive and well bitches. So here's a bit of an Us Weekly scoop on my life .. because I know you're all dying to know. Les quietly moved back in .. and then she spent all my money on Fifth Ave the next day. How pleasing to me. Uh the kids are all fine. Except Bianca's boyfriend is pissing me off. He comes over almost everyday and when he's not here, she's over there. Little does he know I think about how I'd beat his ass in a millisecond over spaghetti at the dinner table ..That you know what better not you know what with my daughter. [SIGH]

A lot of the boys went out on the town last nite ..Derek was being a whiny bitch in his room over Sally even though he hit 2 homers yesterday.. whatever. By the way I'm very pleased to announce Driven will be extended to lotions and other bath products *snicker*..Just kidding, I love you D. Melky was resting because of his tooth..i.e. freaking about his root canal.. I told him to just take Motrin even though its going to hurt like a little bitch anyway .. Uhh so him and I just sat in my room and watched the Emmys.. I'm very pleased that Jeremy Piven and Kiefer Sutherland both won.. I'm obsessed with those amazing shows.. Ryan Seacrest is a little floozy boy who needs to come out of the closet and fast.. Conan had a great monologue, very amusing..but God it was boring. A little controversy, puh lease?

I wish we could play today.. now I'm gonna have to find something to do because I am not going to play male nurse to Melky.. Robby can put up with that biz. Soo if anybody wants to go out tonight with da Bern, tell me because there's no way I'm coming home to my wife yet.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:14:03 GMT

I will never make Alex another mojito again. I ~~don't~~ swear.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 21:15:44 GMT

Poor Johnny. I just had to buy some Pedialyte for him. = /

P.S. Dont use the bathroom.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 16:18:37 GMT

So I broke this lamp by myself. And it didn't feel right.
Not breaking the lamp. Just being by myself.

So if you want to come after the game thatd be cool.

- Bernie.

P.S. My guitar is OFF LIMITS.

P.P.S. In response to Tanyon's question:

Where does the brown ground come from? Green plants, a new study reveals. As plants wilt and die, their leaves and limbs drop off, bringing carbon that they've stored for a living to the soil.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 01:16:53 GMT

no o1ne came to my parety... i hweate yozu all

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 22:44:14 GMT

I'm upset. i've played nicely, i've had hits and such and who ruins it? yes. my wife. Les. UGH. remember way back when we had "issues" and i became a better husband or whatever the hell she wanted? now, i'm "back to my bad ways" and "I can't put up with your crap anymore, bernabe." BITE ME .. remember way back when i had this house party where we just broke all my shit for the weekend? and she came home with all of us passed out God knows where, and then you all stumbled out and LEFT ME?! to fend for MYSELF. with that kooky psychotic WIFE. yeah well, it's summertimee and its timee for bernabee to do thiss AGAAAAAIN!

Who: New York Yankees + Andy Pettitte + Tom Gordon
What: Break Bernie's Shit Party
When: Saturday, July 15 - Monday, July 17 (after games, report to Bernie's house)
Where: Berniee's House in Upper NY

cuz yeaaa i'm freeeeeeeee! freeeeeeeee fallin'!
R.S.V.P. Now.
BRING ALCOHOL AND GAME .. EQUIPMENT?

Wed, 17 May 2006 03:35:09 GMT

GOOD JOB JORGE!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

I'M JORGE

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 03:22:43 GMT

*Okay, so you're JORGE - Congratulations!*
What do you do if...
you were banned from all pools, jaccuzi's and beaches?:	Crash Bernie's pool. Anything to get him in trouble with Les.
Sally asked to share your carrot cake?:	Shake your damn carrot cake, she has you wrapped around her little finger.
you see George Dubbya with no secret service around him?:	Get all excited since Andy has turned you into a major Republican. Then freak him out and tell him youre dating Andy since he is ahem against gay marriage.
Derek makes fun of you for getting a teddy bear for your daughter?:	Make fun of him for being a manwhore.
someone's mean to you cause you ruined their life and it's all your fault?:	Blame it on Tino.
you were being pitched breaking balls inside?:	Start screaming and throw your mask at people.
your son ran past the white line at the All Star Game?:	Oh my God how is Pito's head?!
your dad made you paint the entire house for no reason?:	Hire Andy's decorator. Oh wait thats BERNIE.
Girardi beats you at putt-putt?:	Kill the Kids on Deck producers.
El Duque doesn't wanna throw what you put down?:	Get Sheff to shoot him.
Pedro throws one up and in?:	Get his old midget friend to take a bat to his head.
you have a chance for a triple cause the outfield just fell down?:	Why the fuck did they all fall?...Anyways dont run for the triple because youre a tad short (I love you)
someone told you your lasagna sucked?:	Pass it off as Laura's.
drunken Tanyon tried to throw an apple at you?:	Oh yeah, those cool parties Bernie isnt invited to...um, it doesnt matter because Bernie will throw a boulder at your head for not inviting him. (Just kidding)
What do...
you do for fun?:	flirt with andy, talk to Sally for hours on end, play with the boy with no head, beach, play ball
you do when you're mad?:	Yell in spanish curses
you think is your worst trait?:	Ageing
you do better than anyone else?:	Make people laugh
you really suck at?:	Long dinner speeches (Kidding!)
you hate?:	Bernie's impatience
you love?:	your children n andy derek bernie mo sally
you regret?:	None
you say far too much?:	you just talk too much. (that was sally's quote, not MINE haha ;)
Don't forget you're still Jorge...
Do you use too many smileys?:	yes actually
Are you neat or messy?:	im a messy bastard
Where would you go for your dream vacation?:	TAHITI duhh
Can you cook food other people would eat?:	No, but Laura can =]
Can you dance?:	Yes I'm a Latino ;)
Can you hold your liquor?:	Somewhat unless its wayyy out of control
On a scale of 1-10, how pervy are you?:	2?
Are you in love?:	Yes with Andy I dont wanna wait...for our lives to be over!
If so, from 1-10, 1 - indifferent & 10 - ruhtahdeded, how sappy are you?:	5 with normal people...idk what in relationships?
If not, who should you hook up with?:	Andy? Or another team member?
How long would that last?:	Who knows
How much did you love being Jorge??:	IT WAS AMAZING
In your opinion...
why does Jorge like to dance so much?:	Because he is just a psychotic.
do you think Jorge should update more often?:	Yea, I mean cmon I update more than him.
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

whee

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 21:20:19 GMT

Ok, so maybe I've been a little "absent" lately. It's not like I've left the planet or pulled a Dave Chappelle or decided to live in the forest or anything, people. I won't use the excuse "I've been spending time with my family" even though that's the truth. I've been working on lots of music, as you all have heard throughout the clubhouse.

Les and I are fine again, so you don't have to worry about rescuing me after a few drinks (Thanks Tanyon.) All my kids are on spring break. It's torture. So it's nice to be in Minnesota, even though we technically lost AND I'm rooming with the beauty queen. (I love you, Alex.) But I am pissed. I make strawberry banana smoothies EVERY MORNING for breakfast. And he USES THEM for his FACE. WHO USES SMOOTHIES ON THEIR FACE?! (He just wants my Bambi complexion.) Other than that, I am BORED. Everyone has had their own little parties EXCEPT the outfield. The four of us are too normal and busy to actually PLAN our hotel parties. Actually, I am watching Meet the Parents as we speak. It's not even a chick flick, what is WRONG with me? I am Bernie, King of Chick Flicks. MAYBE if someone (Sheffy) didn't STEAL my Jerry or Pretty in Pink, I'd have a better time. = ] but no.

Whats there to do in Minnesota, anyway? UGH. If you want to do somethin, just dial. Otherwise I'll be sitting in the clubhouse eating a Big Mac swearing because I can't use Flash's sidekick anymore at the games. I miss Yankee Stadium, even though it's a tad embarrassing they cheer me after every routine play = /.

Oh and I have NOT turned crazy. I was always crazy, I'm Bernie. Bernie's back bitches. [also not a cranky old man. EVER.]

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 03:36:27 GMT

CUZ I'M FREEEEEE
FREEEEEEEE FALLLIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN

lovjels,

the buren

mojitos mmmm

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 05:54:38 GMT

HER NAME WAS LOLAAA
SHE WAS A SHOWGIRL!
WITH YELLOW FEATHERS
IN HER HAIR
AND A DRESS CUT DOWN TO THERE! ...

I'm Sorry

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 18:27:24 GMT

[[I'm very very sorry the Bern hasn't posted lately. I've just been super busy, I'll be back up to daily updates when the baseball season starts. I miss it way too much!]]

Yoooo it's the Bern!!!! Uhh, party at my New York house...let's say, this Saturday. It's a Tom Cruise theme...we'll just watch the Tom Cruise movie collection. It's sad he went so insane... I haven't seen a lot of you lately, I wasn't even at Derek's Turn2 Golf Tournament. I'm sorry I've been in a lack of touch...it's been hard to find time and I've done my other passion... written alot of music. Oh and I've watched a ton of Ellen these days. I wondered if I was happy deep inside that I came back for one more year, and I am. It's the Bernnn baby, the Bern is back!

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 00:38:19 GMT

I seriously love you all.

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 21:35:19 GMT

My team kicks your team's ass.

href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/returnofthekd'>GreatKD</a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;"><input ... ></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Team Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;"><input ... ></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your 1st Baseman</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">taralipinski</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your 2nd Baseman</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">chachacon</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your 3rd Baseman</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">marquis_grissom</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your Catcher</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">aaron_small</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your ShortStop</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">jesusloves_trot</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your Left Fielder</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">boomah3</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your Center Fielder</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">big__wang</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your Right Fielder</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">the_giambino</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Your Starting Pitcher</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">mr_dj2</td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#333333" style="border: 1px solid black;">Games Won This Season</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA" style="border: 1px solid black;">111</td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center" bgcolor="#000000"><input ... ></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center" bgcolor="#000000">Quiz created with MemeGen!</td></tr></table><input ... ><input ... ></form>

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 23:06:09 GMT

LAST CALL FOR NEW YEAR'S PHOTO CONTEST!

DECEMBER 28TH IS THE LAST DAY.

THAT MEANS YOU, SALLY! YOU, SHAR! YOU, ANDY! YOU, DEREK! YOU, GARY! YOU, TINO! YOU, JOHNNY!

JORGE

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 05:27:53 GMT

JORGE'S MY FAVORITE PIGLET AND I LOVE HIM

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 04:50:35 GMT

OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU!

I'M NOT LEAVING YOU! I HAVE SIGNED A 1-YEAR CONTRACT WITH THE NEW YORK YANKEES AS A DH AND POSSIBLE BACK-UP FOR JOHNNY DAMON! WOOT!

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 04:44:33 GMT

First, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who participated in the New Year's picture contest. You are all winners. It was based on creativity and what I would like. It was a very hard decision but after much consideration, The winner is: No one. Because I feel a lot of you slacked off and some didn't even care to enter! Now I won't name names [JORGE!], but some of you just put a picture of yourself [MOOSE!]! That does not show Bernie the effort! Actually, I will use names and these are your GRADES:

Andy: B. You can't even spend New Years with me. Meanie.

Sally: C.

Moose: D.

Shar: F. What was that?!?

Sheff: F.

NOTE: YOU ARE ALL ALLOWED TO RE-ENTER! MUST HAVE EFFORT, CREATIVITY, AND BE BASED ON SOMETHING THAT I COULD RELATE TO OR LOVE!

DEADLINE IS DECEMBER 26TH. GOOD LUCK!

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 22:10:51 GMT

Here's a contest for ya ;)

Find the coolest picture you think I would enjoy.

The winner can spend New Years with me!

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 01:45:48 GMT

It's me = ]. We're all so exxcited that Teeno is ALIVE! He survived his lipo!...jk. I know it was a serious stomach operation~~haha he is that vain~~. I just knew he would make it~~not~~. Derek's here too ~~he almost made me cry when he made those Derek-y speeches~~. Everybody's still real emotional over it: his family especially and Kiara. A lot of the teammates aren't here...~~where are you all?~~ I know he's especially mad at a ssomeone who isn't here because he trusted him with the information of his death chance. ~~JORGE~~.

Well, I still have to make the perfect finishes on the TEENO CARE PACKAGE!

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 01:36:07 GMT

I just wanted to tell you all that Tino, well Kiara named their new puppy Lola. AFTER ME!!!!! Yes, it's afterme. Lola is me.

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 03:59:48 GMT

So I wasn't IN the Macy's Day Parade. But boy, was it EXCITING. I was RIIIIGHT next to the crowd of people that had the streetlite fall on them from the oversized balloon! Lucky Me!

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 05:19:51 GMT

Hey! [sheepish Bernie smile]

I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Really. I've missed you all. I just had to take care of a lot, clear my head, and think about next season a little more. Derek was there for me and he really helped too. I actually spent time with my family! Actual time. Watched a little ~~Wife Swap~~ Denzel, made pasta, saw a Broadway show ~~Mamma Mia~~, drove to basketball, paid bills, and actually was a DAD for more than a week.

I was also able to play my music. I love my music and I missed it. It wasnt the same on the buses or the parties or hotel rooms with random players. There wasnt any satisfaction in it and it just pissed people off. It stressed me out more than helped. I was irritated because I thot it would make all the season problems leave and it didnt.

We were all so disconnected from normal world and were in our own little worlds. Work is the only priority we had. I'm sorry but it was. We didnt care about our wives ~~or boyfriends~~ or children. Yea, we cared obviously but we weren't THERE. I don't know if I can handle another season. If I cant and if Tino leaves too, we'll be on our Where in the World are B&T? tour lk Matt Lauer. ~~Yes it's GAY~~

My kids just handed me their Christmas lists, and boy do I feel that money's tite. They want iPod nanos and Razr cellphones and Abercrombie? and 50 Cent CDs and remote control cars...jesus. It's THANKSGIVING tomorrow. Shouldn't they be THANKFUL?! And yes family's nice but my in-laws are here and it does drive you nuts a little. Ok, a lot. I'll probably end up at the Macy's parade tomorrow. I don't know tho cause they'd make me be in a float with some other unimportant person...Plus isn't Abercrombie that store with the ripped-up jeans? Who buys jeans with holes in them? Or am I the only one who wants actual clothes to wear?

I love you all. Tell me what's been up lately cause I'm in my own little world.

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 15:54:33 GMT

I'm a FREE AGENT...

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 02:05:10 GMT

Sorry I haven't updated. The Bern's been so busy. I stayed at Andy & Bethany's house for a week to decorate and now I finally feel satisfied. Andy's a little upset with me, because of course now the Mexicans have started to show up at their door unexpectedly to see Beth...Hm. Don't look at me.

Guess where I am? Hah I sound like Tino!...I'm in TEXAS!!!!! After I came home from Andy's, I went to BUBBA'S and I'm still here. And Andy's here too. He's still pissed at me tho so he doesn't talk to me. I reached for the Lucky Charms today to put in my bowl and he GROWLED AT ME! Am I not allowed to eat the cereal too?!? And THEN when I went to sleep on the couch he stole my blankets! He wouldn't even speak to me in the car on the way to the other Andy's.

YES I SAW ANDY TODAY! He was really tired from the trip, and I feel really bad for him. We all wanted him to win :-/. But we cheered him up. I hope. Andy took us around Houston and showed us Rocket's HUGE manse...~~Their relationship is down the tubes. You didn't hear it from me~~. We're supposed to have lunch tomorrow, just the two of us and have some Southern fried cookin.

Tino bitched at me because I'm not in NY. I'm really sorry about Victoria and I hope she feels better. I tried to visit you but they sent me away because I'm not an "immediate family member". I'm BERNIE WILLIAMS DAMMIT. I AM FAMILY. The Yankee family. They even let my damn children visit but no NOT ME.

so I'm here in Texas so you can reach me at Bubba's. It's a party. We visit zoos and eat cereal and play Twister and visit the pet store at the mall.